What is the one thing that is most threatening to the United States? Red state politicians would have you believe that the decline of our society will be at the hands of iPad-toting vegetarian socialists who want to marry their pet hamsters (they’re everywhere!). Even the current administration has lost sight of what’s really important. The hot-tubification of the world’s oceans? The dangers of chocolate milk at lunchtime? Really?! Sounds like a party to me.
I don’t normally subscribe to conspiracy theories, but the American government is keeping something from its people. And it is my civic duty to share that secret with you.
When I made a trip to Barcelona back in February, I offered up my tiny dorm room to a couple of Katharina’s friends from Passau who were in Nantes for a visit. They left this little package on my desk, done up in nice benign sheep wrapping-paper no less. But its contents are strictly prohibited within the U.S. We even invaded Iraq under the guise of disarming Saddam Hussein of his Kinder Surprise!
But really, it was very sweet of Katharina’s friends to leave me a gift, and I had a very memorable “first Kinder Surprise” experience. Though, to my (irrational, conspiracy-lovin’) credit, my Kinder Egg did contain a Russian ring, with a “привет” stamp inside. Privet, comrade!